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“…we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word and thought throughout our lifetime.”
--Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Excerpts: Stepparenting the Grieving Child

Focus on Yourself

from Chapter 1:  How Did I Get Here?

New roles often come with frustration.  One day, after a particularly aggravating exchange with my six-year-old stepson, I took out my frustration on the chaise lounge using a plastic bat.  New to my role as the stepmother of a grieving child, I struggled to overcome my insecurities.  How had I arrived in this marriage with these children?  I needed help.  We all do sometimes.  And when you’re moving into the role of stepparent, it’s important to get help early on, during a time when you’re feeling positive and hopeful.  You can overcome your insecurities with knowledge, encouragement and support, but you have to look inside yourself first.  Sue Thoele, author of The Courage to be a Stepmom, says, “Love and care for yourself first, for only then do you truly have love and compassion to give.”
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Focus on Your Family

from Chapter 4:  The Lifework of Grief

Grief is enduring.  It resurfaces from time to time like a bottle in the ocean.  On the ninth anniversary of his mother’s death, my stepson Bud did not come home from junior high school. A familiar shoe on a sidewalk just outside our neighborhood yielded a clue, and near dark Brian found his son walking barefoot on the prairie open-space, which is dedicated in his mother’s name.  He told his dad he’d had a bad day but did not consciously realize that it was his mother’s death date.  Episodes like this raise the question:  How do kids grieve? And what do they need along the way? 
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Focus on Living

from Chapter 7:  Let the Family Unfold

You’ve studied stepfamily dynamics and taken a short course in grief education.  You’ve learned about different personality styles and given thought toward how to show compassion when grief resurfaces in your family.  In preparation for what, exactly, is all this work?  For living.  
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Table of Contents

Endorsements

 

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