Last Wednesday I blogged about anger, and the very same day another of my stepparent colleagues also blogged about stepparent anger.  Are we affected by the upcoming full moon, or is this a recurring theme families need to pay attention to?  What do you think? 

I’ve been focusing on ways I can “come down” from feeling angry so that I don’t affect my health or leave my family with the impression that I’m a lunatic.  On the other hand, I think that we as stepparents have an opportunity for ongoing education when we tell our families that we were angry and why.   Our sharing might spur another stepfamily member to speak up about his or her anger.

After all, do you agree that sometimes we get angry because no one in the family seems to understand us or what we’re feeling? 

Here’s a tip that’s been helping me process anger: I’ve gotten to know my hot buttons so I don’t overreact when they are pushed. I feel fairly certain that family members will try to push those buttons once or twice.  Feeling misunderstood is certainly one hot button for me.  Here are a few others, as examples:

  • feeling underappreciated
  • feeling like someone I trusted has crossed me
  • perceiving a lack of respect (toward any family member) 

When these topics come up for me, I know I have to take extra time to evaluate what’s really going on, and then I can react more appropriately.  

Here’s an example.  After multiple years of awkward Mother’s Days, I came to know that on Mother’s Day I would probably feel underappreciated.  So I’ve made a point of planning something special for myself on Mother’s Day weekend; something I gave as a gift to myself, even if it was just time to be outdoors (a likely choice for me).  Then, no matter how Mother’s Day turned out, I felt OK. 

Help us all out!  What are some ways you deal with your anger?  It’s now easy to comment – just fill out your name, e-mail, and comment below. 

Mama J (Diane Fromme) is a writer, parent, and stepparent located in Northern Colorado.  For more information on her book, Stepparenting the Grieving Child, go to

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1 Comment on Some other Thoughts about Anger

  1. Carly says:

    I get on my elliptical 45 minutes each day to help with my pent up anger. Exercises work. I get into my school work on line… I decided to get my MBA. That’s something I have decided to do for me! I go to a movie alone without telling anyone. It takes my mind off the argument as I get into the story on the screen. By the time I get out my husband has left a voice mail and I feel refreshed and ready to talk. I sing and jump on the bed with my iPod on blast. I play Guitar Hero pretending to be a rock star with no one in sight! Sometimes taking a shower does the trick… letting the water wash away the anger praying helps too.

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