I was waiting for the actual “big day” to tell you about it!  Our oldest child and daughter (my stepdaughter) got married this past Saturday! What a special day, and YES, we love her husband. This is an event that I always knew would raise questions of balance between past and present in our family, since Brianna* was only six when she lost her natural mother.

Her mom’s family has always lived in the Northeast; we are in Colorado. Who from Brianna’s mom’s family would attend?  How would the wedding ceremony provide integration between past and present? What would my role be in the wedding? How would I quell the small voice that kept fretting, “will I be included?”

The great news is that all these questions worked out their answers quite naturally. I have the good fortune of  living just up the road from Brianna,  and she turned to me as her main wedding planner. At the ceremony itself, her aunt on her mom’s side and the wedding officiant made sure to honor Brianna’s mom both visually and in the context of the story of Brianna’s life.

I attribute the smooth outcomes to several dynamics:

–Sometimes I overthink things. Most things in life do work out, given time.

— Brianna and I have been working for several years at developing a better relationship. We don’t overtly  call it “work” but we’ve each made more effort to respect the other.

— Brianna handled everything about this wedding with maturity and without bitterness.

A nice coincidence about the date of her wedding is that it was held over the annual National Stepfamily Day weekend. National Stepfamily Day (September 16) was put in place to recognize the beauty and unity of stepfamilies. I would have to say that this wedding was symbolic of Brianna’s natural family and her stepfamily coming together to make up the story that is hers alone.

I promised not to make any one blog post too long, so for details of the ceremony tune in to part 2 of my wedding story no later than next Wednesday.

*Names have been altered.

Mama J (Diane Fromme) writes about family and stepfamily dynamics from her bay-window office in Northern Colorado.

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1 Comment on Wedding Ceremony Balances Honor and Acceptance, part 1

  1. Heidi says:

    Congrats to you, Brianna and the whole family!

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