I don’t get a lot of messages from readers who are thinking about becoming a stepparent.  Most of us already are.

One message I received this past summer was indeed from a divorced woman with a nine-year-old son who has been dating a widow of four years with three children (two of whom are teenagers).  I wanted to share some of her quotes because I was struck by how much thought she had given the topic of blending families.  I, on the other hand, was in the school of “jump in and keep your head above water.”

“The one thing I have come to realize recently is that I will never be their mother or even a stand in,” she says. “When we first started dating, the woman in me thought I would be able to rescue them from a life without a mother and I would be able to fix this situation, of course, naive on my part.  So I’m in a stage right now of processing what my life will be like when we are blended and I want to take the right steps and be prepared mentally as much as I can, though in saying that I know nothing will prepare me for the change in my life.”

Does anyone have feedback for this stepparent-to-be as she does her research and education?  I told her I thought she was right on track, and that her good intuition would serve her well into the blending process. 

Here’s to continued learning about stepfamilies and to the love we share within them!

Mama J is a writer, parent, and stepparent in Northern Colorado, USA. Check out her website at www.dianefromme.com. News on the preview audio for Stepparenting the Grieving Child coming within two weeks!

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1 Comment on A Reader Writes: Preparing Mentally

  1. peggy says:

    Keep (or cultivate) your sense of humor, first and foremost. Kids, especially emotionally traumatized ones, respond positively to levity. It puts them at ease immediately. When it’s consistent and loving, wow! And don’t forget the old standby: Unconditional Love. And not just the verbal kind. Hug them lots. BTW, they are fortunate to have someone who cares so much about their welfare. As for never being able to be their mother, I’m thinking they will be forever enriched by having you in their lives. Sometimes the rewards aren’t seen for years, but if you laugh and love with them, the rewards will come. Trust me.

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